When I was done teaching at the high school, I had about a week of temporary "unemployment" blues. I ended up gaining employment through a substitute teaching agency, anticipating that I would just sub at various schools on a day to day basis (something I did NOT want to do, but I was desperate for work). I also got a job as a middle school tutor in the Minneapolis area for a fairly new program in the public schools called AVID- it serves to provide students with extra school help who are on track to go to college as the first to do so in their families. I felt like I was exactly where God wanted me to be. And then TWO DAYS after I got signed up with the subbing agency, they called me. It was a Thursday afternoon. They needed a long term substitute in 8th grade geography for a seven week placement. So just like that- I had a consistent work schedule subbing, I had to quit the tutoring job (something that was hard to do), but I was back to work as a teacher, this time completely on my own and in a brand new situation.
I really can't believe just how fast those seven weeks flew by. Midway through my second-to-last week, I was called by Dusty's boss. Him and his wife had an adorable baby in November, and they were in need of a nanny Monday through Thursday starting the week that I was officially done at the middle school. I graciously accepted and was so happy to have something lined up for after teaching. That same week, I applied for a job at EagleCrest, where I had previously worked for three and a half years and got part time work as a receptionist. It's not like I went to four years of college to be a babysitter and a receptionist at a nursing home, but I was overjoyed to have something lined up as my time teaching came to a close.
So- in my last week, I asked the principal to come observe my classroom so that I could get some good feedback from an administrator, and it went great. Thursday, March 8th, I got a call from the principal's assistant asking if I could come down to the office in my free time. If you are wondering, I was terrified thinking that I had done something wrong. It turned out to be completely opposite- I was informed that there was a chance the school had a job for me at the school for the remainder of the year after spring break if I was interested. I would be teaching 6th grade language arts (something for which I DON'T hold a teaching license in, even though growing up I always wanted to be an english teacher!) This was a big time thing- but I didn't jump the gun right away because it wasn't 100% for sure. I went ahead with working for the family and started the training for my receptionist job.
On Thursday, I got a text from the principal asking if I would be available to sub for a week- she had no further information beyond next week. One minor setback, Dusty and I are going out of town next week to visit his mom in Arizona, which would mean if I did get the teaching job, I'd have to take off for a week (not necessarily the best thing to leave a bunch of 6th graders after a week, but the school was going to work it out with me). It was a really tough position to be put in- this is obviously a wonderful opportunity to have more work in teaching, but I had made a commitment to two different employers. I had the opportunity to work into the summer with these jobs potentially and if the teaching job wasn't going to be a for sure thing, then it was difficult for me to rationalize backing out of what I already committed to.
Well- that's when it did it difficult for real. The principal told me should could be 99% sure of this job lasting until the end of the school year. There were some stipulations involved that I don't need to bore you with, but I was STUCK. What the heck was I supposed to do, and how could I decide between the two commitments I had made, and a temporary job that would be GREAT to add to my resume?
Thursday was not a fun day. I wrestled with both choices in my mind for hours. I spent lots of time on the phone with my mom and Dust. Mostly, I pleaded with God to try to help me come to SOME sort of peace and decision. After walking aimlessly around my old elementary school (on a 66 degree night in March) I decided to call the family I was nannying for to let them know that I was going to stick with them for the next two months. I then made the difficult call to the principal to let her know that I needed to stick to my commitments. She understood, and was very nice in her response to my dilemma.
Making a big decision like that, somewhat "career" wise, was maybe one of the more difficult choices I have ever made in my entire life. I've been reflecting on it a lot. Usually when I'm faced with a big decision, my choice is a no brainer that requires zero thinking. I think about the other big choices I've made in my life: Dusty getting down on one knee and proposing. It took me about two seconds to blurt out a "YES!" before screaming and crying out of joy. Imagine that- making a decision to spend your LIFE with somebody and it took me no time to think it through. And yet, I'm faced with a job decision that will impact me for the next TWO MONTHS of my life (that's relatively nothing!) and I fret over my options and feel like the world is crashing down on me. That in itself, proved something to me. One- I can't rely on myself to make huge decisions. Two- I HAVE to rely on the Lord to guide me. Immediately after making my choice? I felt a peace in my heart that I did the right thing by sticking to the commitments I had made. But MAN is it tough to think back on the "what ifs?"
Maybe I rationalized and took the easy way out, but I don't really look at it that way. I think in the long run, I won't regret the decision I made. I have a relatively simple job nannying an adorable little baby girl that will allow me to get a TON of stuff done in preparation for my wedding and married life (which is creeping up on me slowly but surely) and I also have EC- good old EC, which will allow me to have a flexible schedule this summer to take time off for the wedding and honeymoon. What I do need, and if you would like to help me out, is for prayer. Ultimately, my hope is that down the line, I will find a job in education that fulfills my dreams and desires for a career, but if God is going to lead me elsewhere while still providing peace and fulfillment, than I trust that. But the prayers definitely don't hurt.
Now on to the BFF part- In the past four days, I have been on an emotional roller coaster, and I still have a fiance by my side who has supported and guided my every decision. So to Dust, I have to say thank you. Not only did he help out in the decision making process, but he has been a constant companion this weekend because my entire family just so happened to be out of town- great timing for a big decision on my own. We actually made the most of an incredibly unbelievable weekend weather wise (MN reached temps in the 80s!!!) by thrifting, checking out the pawn shop, and taking a drive into downtown St. Paul, which was absolutely insane for St. Patricks Day. I still can't believe that we were able to have dinner out on the patio of Old Chicago on Saturday night. It was amazing. We also chipped away at some wedding planning by figuring out some options for music and getting minor details figured out for the ceremony. We have also started our apartment hunt and we are currently crossing our fingers for our "dream" place that has just opened up in downtown St. Paul at a very reasonable price. Dust has truly been awesome through all of this. It makes me pretty excited to be marrying him :)
In other news- like I said, my whole family is out of town which means that me and the dog have been quite the pair these last few days. I have been making a habit out of bringing him to the dog park in the afternoons 1) because it's way too nice not to enjoy this weather and 2) because he needs the exercise. I couldn't believe that we were able to have a ride with the windows down without freezing in the middle of March.
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| We also happened to run into our friend Brandon, who served as a great backdrop to the green bagel pic |
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| Dust wasn't too impressed either, and now I can see why. It almost looks more like we were drinking Palmolive. |
Oh, and since I have the time for it, I'm hoping to blog much more often. Thank you again for reading and for the prayers. And if you are a Minnesota reader, get out and enjoy this unbelievable weather for me! I still have about an hour left of nannying!
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