First of all, after what I can confidently say has been the best month of my life, I have concluded the following about marriage:
-It is FUN.
-It is WEIRD.
-I am more happy than I have ever been in my life!
-There have been a few bumps along the way and also a couple of fights (Don't worry, we still love each other).
-Someday soon, I hope that Dusty learns that replacing the TP roll does not mean you rest a new roll on top of the old empty one, but I will allow him to learn this in his own time and way.
It's been a whirlwind but I am so incredibly happy and confident with where the two of us are at this point. And so I write this post with the thought that it is extremely relevant with where we are, and also with where several of my newly married, young friends are at this walk in life.
The first Sunday after we got engaged, I had to be at church early as I was a member of the newly formed gospel choir (which for me, didn't last long, due to the realization that I don't really enjoy singing, especially in front of a large crowd in a large sanctuary).
By Sunday morning, several people from church had heard the good news that Dusty and I were getting married. I was flooded with warm wishes ranging from "Congratulations!" to "So excited for you!" among the like. I'm not really one for that kind of attention but it really meant a lot to me, and made me feel loved, to have so many encouraging words from both people I knew well and people I didn't know at all.
I was then approached by the church janitor, also a choir member, a middle aged guy who I have known for basically my whole life. This guy is one of those people (and everybody knows one) who often opens their mouth to speak, without really thinking about the words coming out of their mouth before hand.
So with that being said, church janitor decided to walk up to me, look me in the eyes and proclaim, "You are WAY too young to get married."
To be honest, having someone say that to me at one of the happiest points in my life was pretty upsetting. My feelings were hurt. It really made me angry that somebody had the nerve to question my age as being an integral factor in me being able to handle something so amazing as marriage. It threw me into a funk, not just for the rest of the church service, but pretty much the rest of the day. I started to wonder if there were others out there like church janitor who felt that I was not old enough to be able to handle marriage.
This was something that crossed my mind a few times through out the remainder of our engagement. It helped to know and have others surrounding me who were in the same boat- recent college graduates, early 20's, and engaged to be married and happy. That made it a lot easier. However, it was difficult at times not to let myself be affected over whether or not somebody thought I was too young to be doing this.
Recently, a friend of mine introduced me to Thought Catalog. Basically, it's an online forum of articles written by ordinary people, ranging in topic from "The Best Things About Being a Kid" to "Why Adele is the Worst Human Being Ever." There are some really interesting and entertaining articles all over the website, most of them written by and geared towards adults in their 20's.
I was browsing their site yesterday when I stumbled upon "In Defense of Marrying Young" by author Julie Shockley. I have taken the liberty of pasting the entire article below, as I SO resonated with the argument she presents:
"For every person who gets married at 23, there are three people who complain about people who get married at 23. I’ll tell you upfront: when I got married I was 22. My husband was 28.
One of the first arguments a young engaged couple will get is that you, being a young pup in your early twenties, aren’t even a “you” yet, silly! You aren’t even fully formed! You don’t even know who you are! Although most young marries find this statement to be condescending, I respect and understand what they are trying to say. I hope, though, that I am never done changing, never done growing. I would not wait until I reach a point of stagnation to commit to another person – if I did I would be single forever. Instead, I look forward to growing and changing with my husband. That is the beauty of a wedding vow — that you promise to love the other person through all of life’s changes – even the ones that occur within you.
The most irritating argument I’ve come across is, “You haven’t even lived yet! Go out there and kiss a few frogs! Your twenties are for dating around and partying!” What’s most striking is the assumption that we all want what you want.
At a young age I met one of the good ones. Not a creeper, not a liar, not a player, not a loser. We dated for three years. According to your rules of how my twenties should be spent, I should… what exactly? Break up with a person who treats me well, makes me laugh, has intelligence and ambition, who has the same values as I do — I should do this so I can date around? So I can struggle to find guys worthy of spending time with? So I can wade through the dating scene? As much as I sometimes romanticize that phase of life and how passionate and exciting it is, I also know that it’s full of frustration, anger, jealousy and insecurity. According to you I should break up with a good man so I could go search for a man just like him?
Not all of us want to sleep around and have casual sex. I was a little too neurotic and insecure for that game. Many of us date because we are searching for someone to be our partner in life. To create a family with. We enjoy the security of a relationship that has permanence. A lot of people shudder at those things — permanence, commitment, family. I don’t. I want those things, and when I got it, I kept it.
My parents married young and have been together 37 years. My husband’s family married young and have been together 42. I’ll be the first to admit that I view marriage through rosy goggles secured with unicorn hair, but as biased as I may be, equally so are the critics of marriage in general and young marriage in particular.
I do not claim that marriage is for everyone or that family is for everyone. So please don’t claim that young marriage should be for no one."
That honestly may be one of the most well-written arguments in defense of young marriage I've ever come across. The thing I love, which the author nails on the head, is this: just because you don't agree with something, does not make it WRONG. The beauty of this world, this day in age, is that we can live freely with our own opinions and ideas, individual to OURSELVES. And I love using that to defend my young marriage because one of the things that I am most thankful for in my whole life so far, is that I found Dusty when I did. I was only 19, so incredibly young and so immature, and so convinced that I was never going to find somebody who would make me happy. And that was when Dusty Wahl entered into my life. And since then I have been happy, content, challenged, and stretched in so many ways because of him being with me. Not only that, but through out our whole engagement, Dust was VERY intentional about keeping the focus on preparing for our marriage, not our wedding. I'm so grateful because although our wedding day was honestly the best day of my life, and so incredibly memorable, I wouldn't want to go back and relive it over and over again because what has happened since that day is just as enjoyable and exciting. I know that this is truly just the beginning of what will be years of exciting and memorable days together as a couple. This article just says everything I found myself thinking about when I was forced to defend, for myself, the concept of young marriage.
The other thing I find noteworthy is that on the flipside, there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting to get married. Or not finding the right person until later. Or just not worrying about it until you are ready yourself. I love that no two people are alike in their beliefs on something like this, because what was best for me is not necessarily what's best for my dad, who didn't get married until he was 26, or my aunt who found the man of her dreams in her late 40's. Or for friends of mine who have dated their boyfriends for years and don't have plans to get married any time soon because they are waiting for various reasons. I just happened to know that at age 22, fresh off the chartered plane I flew into the Real World, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend of three years, Dustin.
So there is my two cents. A thought on what I think about when it comes to just marriage in general. It's amazing, and I love it.
And since I am in a good mood about it, I would like to conclude this post with a little story from the day of our wedding.
We had exchanged rings, the ceremony was over, and the reception was to start. Unknown to us, someone (could have been a guest, could have been a nervous musician, could have been anyone for all I know) had thrown up in the stairwell of our church sanctuary. I know, gross. Also kind of funny, because while the rest of us headed to the Fine Line to party and celebrate, guess who stayed behind to clean up the nasty vomit left by an anonymous guest in the stairwell?
Church janitor.
