Sean

Sometimes, you can never be fully prepared for something to hit you hard on a seemingly normal day. I woke up on Tuesday morning tired but happy after a beautiful 4th of July weekend. I was with Dust in the early hours of the morning, planning our day off to spend out on the lake. Obviously a natural occurrence of mine is to check Facebook. I signed in expecting nothing out of the ordinary... until I noticed virtually everyone from high school was posting statuses and updates about our friend, Sean. He had been missing for nearly a day after swimming in Indiana for the holiday weekend. I panicked at first. Was this a joke? Did I miss something? I didn't know what to do so I just figured I'd google this whole Sean missing thing... and that's when I saw the news I could not even be prepared to see... Sean's body was found after him being missing for nearly a day and a half. And I lost it.

You have to understand that I was nowhere near prepared to lose a friend like Sean. Although I will admit we had lost touch in the last year, I could not even tell you how much this kid meant not just to me, but to everyone in our large high school circle at Roseville. Sean was an incredible person. He was caring, kind, and hilarious. Always could make you laugh without even cracking a smile. Was there for you if you needed ANYTHING at all. He was an amazing athlete, one who carried his teammates and supporters with a humble heart and spirit... someone who people looked up to for making wise, smart decisions. Sean was surrounded by people who partied, and yet I know for a fact he did not touch alcohol once in high school. He took athletics and integrity seriously... something that is so rare for a star athlete at a large public school. That's the other thing... Sean was a friend to all. There were naturally different groups, "cliques" I guess you could call them, but Sean seemed to be the glue that brought everyone together. He was a friend to anyone and everyone. I don't exaggerate with these descriptions. He was a wonderful person who looked out for everyone.


Sean and I shared "M" last names which I think is the reason we always had classes, and that's how we became friends. I remember meeting him in 8th grade Spanish class. He was always a goof in class and yet, he always got A's on assignments while I struggled to figure out how I was sucking at learning another language. That class began a friendship that lasted nine years, which is where I got to know someone who became a person I trusted, laughed with, and enjoyed being around. I was especially thankful for the last few years when I worked the weightroom at Bethel. Sean would come home from school in Indiana (he attended Purdue, where he played football) and used our weightroom facility after okaying it with my dad. We chatted for hours on those visits that he made. I will be thankful for those memories as they now have become so precious.

Sean died at an Indiana lake after going missing on Sunday afternoon. I still can't wrap my head around why someone with so much potential, and so much personality, was taken so soon. Sean wore #22 in football... and died at age 22. It just feels so surreal. People from high school have died in the past few years... and it's obviously always tragic to hear, but I never thought it would hit close in that I'd lose someone that I really cared about. Now I'm trying to figure out how to cope with losing someone that really meant a lot to me in my high school years.

When I told my dad what happened, he said that he was so sorry I lost a good friend who did things right. That statement couldn't be more accurate. Sean was just a great guy, someone who I will miss and remember for the rest of my life. I feel so sad about his loss. I always question God's intentions when things like this happen. Why did he take Sean so soon, at the young age of 22? Why wasn't Sean allowed to live out his dream of playing football, and being a leader, like he always was, and always will be in my memory?

I don't have the answers to why people are taken from this life earlier than seems fair. The one thing I can say in all this is not a verse for comfort, or a special saying about death and loss that sugarcoats the whole process. What I can say is this. God has a plan and a purpose in this... and maybe for me it is to cherish the relationships and friendships that I do have. Life is precious and very fragile, and I want to cling to and love the people who matter most to me in life. The second thing I've learned is this: Life is wasted on being angry and bitter. I can think of nothing but positive things to say about Sean... I want to be thankful and grateful that I got to know him and call him my friend. I feel a peace when I look at it that way. I don't think it's fair to Sean to only dwell on the tragic way he left this earth. He left an impact on me, a very positive one, during years that really were quite tough for me at times. I am thankful for the friend that he was to me. Very thankful.

Do you all have any advice or thoughts about dealing with loss? Everyone heals and deals so differently. It's comforting to hear how different people deal- Just curious. Are there words, or bible verses, or memories that help to deal with the loss of a special person?

Thank you for reading and for all the support, all you faithfuls out there. I'm glad that I can use this blog to vent and write, although under these unfortunate circumstances. And if you think of it, say a prayer for Sean's family; his parents, brother, and two sisters. I can't imagine or grasp the heartache that they are feeling right now. I didn't proof read this post, and I'm not going to, because I want to just leave it with the thoughts I'm feeling right now in this moment. I will miss Sean always. Rest peacefully, my friend.