The hard stuff

I've spent the last five days down in Casa Grande, Arizona visiting my grandma (snowbird) and spending time with my aunt and uncle who are visiting as well. We were driving along today in Phoenix when I got a text from my mom, who informed me that my friend Carrie's mom, who attends our church, passed away this morning after blood clots were discovered in her lung.

The thing that breaks my heart (aside from such a terrible loss) is that I didn't even know that she was as ill as she was. Carrie has been in my life for about a year and I would consider her to be a good friend, and yet I had no idea that her mother was so sick. I just learned that she had been suffering from MS and that the blood clots were a result of the complications from that illness.

Anytime you try to tackle the issue of death and dying, I find it to be very difficult to navigate. This isn't new, as I'm sure many of you reading know just from personal experience. Just being down here in Arizona has been difficult because the last time I visited, my grandpa, John, was still alive. My grandpa was my buddy. He was such a strong, tall, and handsome guy who was just the most fun, teddy bear of a grandfather. He was always good for a laugh and slip of a $5 if you shook his hand at the right time. I come down here and have gone through floods of pictures of my grandpa, all taken within the last ten or fifteen years of his life, and while they bring up only the happiest of memories, it just makes me so sad that he is gone. He left this earth at 74 years old after a long, hard battle with cancer. And I miss him. Being down here reopens that pain that I dealt with when he first passed away. His death was my first experience in dealing with loss in my life, and it was not easy.

Now I am sad for a friend who is dealing with what I'm sure is indescribable loss. And it brings up so many questions. Especially from a Christian perspective. I love the Lord with my whole heart and I know that God loves me beyond what one can fathom. And it just is so difficult to understand; how can God, who loves us beyond understanding, give us such pain in the way of loss and death? And why does he allow suffering and illness? How can God allow illness and suffering? Why are we supposed to accept that "the lord gives, and takes away"?

I have written before about Dusty's dad. Dusty was only 15 years old when his dad went for a jog, had a heart attack, and died. Just like that. There was no illness, no period of time where you anticipate the worst. He was just gone. And that is so hard for me to understand. Why does that happen?

It's funny, because it was the words of Dusty's dad, Wade, that describe the hard stuff that accompanies death in the best way to me. Callie (Dusty's sister) gave me a bookmark that was made in his memory that contained a eulogy he had written about his own friend on the back. I wish I had it with me down here because it is so accurate in the feelings that come along with such a hard thing as death, but unfortunately, it is back home so I will have to blog about it later. But in the absence of his words, I can only turn to the words of Jesus in a time where a death just doesn't make sense...
John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that IN ME you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

What can I learn about death through this passage?
1. We should expect death as earthly humans, it's an inevitable. I grew up always saying to my parents, "Dad, do I HAVE to?" And my dad would always say to me, "Case, the only thing you HAVE to do in life? Is die." It's blunt but it's true. Death is a part of life.
2. We can only find true peace, or healing, or rescue, in Jesus Christ.
3. Life is not an easily traveled road. The world that we live in will often bring trouble. Thousands are dead in Japan after the horrific tsunami that just HAPPENED. There is no explanation for such a thing, it's horrible. And yet, what can we do?
4. Although this life is never promised to be easy, we serve a God, a loving, and faithful God (this I remember from Wade's bookmark) who loves us and in loving us, has managed to overcome the world of evil, suffering, and hardship and will one day bring us home to glory, peace, and victory.

I can't say that I still understand. But I do know that there is hope. Life is so hard. It's not fair. It doesn't always make sense to me. And yet we are promised that if we follow Jesus, not only is he conqueror of the universe, but he will always be there to hold us when we just feel defeat and sadness.

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." The words of Jesus.

If you find time, please say a prayer for my friend Carrie, her sister, and her dad. I don't want to pretend like I even know what they are going through, because I don't. But there is power in prayer. Thank you.