Changes, BFF, and a rather long blog post.

Like the title reads, I anticipate this being a rather long post/update since it has been a few days and LOTS of changes have taken place. Before I begin, I know that I've reiterated a hundred times over on this blog that change plus me equals a recipe for temporary disaster. It seems crazy to think that over the past four and a half months, I have actually grown used to being a teacher. I realized after two different experiences teaching two different age groups, I actually enjoy what I spent four years in college training to be. That was a crazy realization to come to.

When I was done teaching at the high school, I had about a week of temporary "unemployment" blues. I ended up gaining employment through a substitute teaching agency, anticipating that I would just sub at various schools on a day to day basis (something I did NOT want to do, but I was desperate for work). I also got a job as a middle school tutor in the Minneapolis area for a fairly new program in the public schools called AVID- it serves to provide students with extra school help who are on track to go to college as the first to do so in their families. I felt like I was exactly where God wanted me to be. And then TWO DAYS after I got signed up with the subbing agency, they called me. It was a Thursday afternoon. They needed a long term substitute in 8th grade geography for a seven week placement. So just like that- I had a consistent work schedule subbing, I had to quit the tutoring job (something that was hard to do), but I was back to work as a teacher, this time completely on my own and in a brand new situation.

I really can't believe just how fast those seven weeks flew by. Midway through my second-to-last week, I was called by Dusty's boss. Him and his wife had an adorable baby in November, and they were in need of a nanny Monday through Thursday starting the week that I was officially done at the middle school. I graciously accepted and was so happy to have something lined up for after teaching. That same week, I applied for a job at EagleCrest, where I had previously worked for three and a half years and got part time work as a receptionist. It's not like I went to four years of college to be a babysitter and a receptionist at a nursing home, but I was overjoyed to have something lined up as my time teaching came to a close.
So- in my last week, I asked the principal to come observe my classroom so that I could get some good feedback from an administrator, and it went great. Thursday, March 8th, I got a call from the principal's assistant asking if I could come down to the office in my free time. If you are wondering, I was terrified thinking that I had done something wrong. It turned out to be completely opposite- I was informed that there was a chance the school had a job for me at the school for the remainder of the year after spring break if I was interested. I would be teaching 6th grade language arts (something for which I DON'T hold a teaching license in, even though growing up I always wanted to be an english teacher!) This was a big time thing- but I didn't jump the gun right away because it wasn't 100% for sure. I went ahead with working for the family and started the training for my receptionist job.

On Thursday, I got a text from the principal asking if I would be available to sub for a week- she had no further information beyond next week. One minor setback, Dusty and I are going out of town next week to visit his mom in Arizona, which would mean if I did get the teaching job, I'd have to take off for a week (not necessarily the best thing to leave a bunch of 6th graders after a week, but the school was going to work it out with me). It was a really tough position to be put in- this is obviously a wonderful opportunity to have more work in teaching, but I had made a commitment to two different employers. I had the opportunity to work into the summer with these jobs potentially and if the teaching job wasn't going to be a for sure thing, then it was difficult for me to rationalize backing out of what I already committed to.

Well- that's when it did it difficult for real. The principal told me should could be 99% sure of this job lasting until the end of the school year. There were some stipulations involved that I don't need to bore you with, but I was STUCK. What the heck was I supposed to do, and how could I decide between the two commitments I had made, and a temporary job that would be GREAT to add to my resume?

Thursday was not a fun day. I wrestled with both choices in my mind for hours. I spent lots of time on the phone with my mom and Dust. Mostly, I pleaded with God to try to help me come to SOME sort of peace and decision. After walking aimlessly around my old elementary school (on a 66 degree night in March) I decided to call the family I was nannying for to let them know that I was going to stick with them for the next two months. I then made the difficult call to the principal to let her know that I needed to stick to my commitments. She understood, and was very nice in her response to my dilemma.

Making a big decision like that, somewhat "career" wise, was maybe one of the more difficult choices I have ever made in my entire life. I've been reflecting on it a lot. Usually when I'm faced with a big decision, my choice is a no brainer that requires zero thinking. I think about the other big choices I've made in my life: Dusty getting down on one knee and proposing. It took me about two seconds to blurt out a "YES!" before screaming and crying out of joy. Imagine that- making a decision to spend your LIFE with somebody and it took me no time to think it through. And yet, I'm faced with a job decision that will impact me for the next TWO MONTHS of my life (that's relatively nothing!) and I fret over my options and feel like the world is crashing down on me. That in itself, proved something to me. One- I can't rely on myself to make huge decisions. Two- I HAVE to rely on the Lord to guide me. Immediately after making my choice? I felt a peace in my heart that I did the right thing by sticking to the commitments I had made. But MAN is it tough to think back on the "what ifs?"

Maybe I rationalized and took the easy way out, but I don't really look at it that way. I think in the long run, I won't regret the decision I made. I have a relatively simple job nannying an adorable little baby girl that will allow me to get a TON of stuff done in preparation for my wedding and married life (which is creeping up on me slowly but surely) and I also have EC- good old EC, which will allow me to have a flexible schedule this summer to take time off for the wedding and honeymoon. What I do need, and if you would like to help me out, is for prayer. Ultimately, my hope is that down the line, I will find a job in education that fulfills my dreams and desires for a career, but if God is going to lead me elsewhere while still providing peace and fulfillment, than I trust that. But the prayers definitely don't hurt.

Now on to the BFF part- In the past four days, I have been on an emotional roller coaster, and I still have a fiance by my side who has supported and guided my every decision. So to Dust, I have to say thank you. Not only did he help out in the decision making process, but he has been a constant companion this weekend because my entire family just so happened to be out of town- great timing for a big decision on my own. We actually made the most of an incredibly unbelievable weekend weather wise (MN reached temps in the 80s!!!) by thrifting, checking out the pawn shop, and taking a drive into downtown St. Paul, which was absolutely insane for St. Patricks Day. I still can't believe that we were able to have dinner out on the patio of Old Chicago on Saturday night. It was amazing. We also chipped away at some wedding planning by figuring out some options for music and getting minor details figured out for the ceremony. We have also started our apartment hunt and we are currently crossing our fingers for our "dream" place that has just opened up in downtown St. Paul at a very reasonable price. Dust has truly been awesome through all of this. It makes me pretty excited to be marrying him :)

In other news- like I said, my whole family is out of town which means that me and the dog have been quite the pair these last few days. I have been making a habit out of bringing him to the dog park in the afternoons 1) because it's way too nice not to enjoy this weather and 2) because he needs the exercise. I couldn't believe that we were able to have a ride with the windows down without freezing in the middle of March.

We did try to celebrate St. Patricks Day without spending any ridiculous amounts of money and did so in two ways: first, by having GREEN bagels at Brueggers for lunch!!!

We also happened to run into our friend Brandon, who served as a great backdrop to the green bagel pic

Second, we both had our first experience with green beer. Now, I actually like beer, but I DON'T like Miller Lite (although it is my namesake) and that happened to be the only green beer they were serving on tap at Old Chicago, so we went for it anyway. It was difficult to get down, but I managed to finish it off and call it quits after one. Harmless enough.

Dust wasn't too impressed either, and now I can see why. It almost looks more like we were drinking Palmolive. 

So there you have it. An incredibly long explanation of my decision making process, which leads to where I am now job wise, followed by a picture montage recapping my weekend and a quick praise of Dusty who deserves many thanks after putting up with me this weekend. Oh, I forgot to mention, Dust made Philly Cheese-steak sandwiches yesterday with three different kinds of cheeses which were AMAZING. Could it get any better that I'm marrying a guy who loves to cook?

Oh, and since I have the time for it, I'm hoping to blog much more often. Thank you again for reading and for the prayers. And if you are a Minnesota reader, get out and enjoy this unbelievable weather for me! I still have about an hour left of nannying!

I'll let the pictures do the talkin'

I recently purchased an iPhone 4S. I have never been a big Smartphone person, but honestly, the iPhone has kind of changed my life. I love the features. I love being able to access things so easily. I LOVE taking pictures. I am obsessed with Instagram. MN was radically awesome this past weekend, with the weather (66 degrees yesterday!) plus the activities that I got to participate in. We spent Friday and Saturday at Dusty's uncle's house with the cousins, and got to spend time with MY cousins on Saturday night. I took advantage of documenting the rest of my weekend with my phone pics. Take a look.

That bear was sent to my mom by my aunt at Christmastime... however, Moses has taken it under his control recently and doesn't really go ANYWHERE without it now.

I got to spend Saturday at my aunt and uncle's house on White Bear Lake. We had record highs that day and grilled outdoors- it was unreal. This was at sunset- are you as big a fan of daylight savings time as I am?

This is Libby- my cousin's dog. That pink sweater is used as a temperament adjuster, because normally, Libby is quite neurotic and hyper. She also recently got a haircut and very closely resembles Falcor from the Neverending Story.

Dusty decided to get a new tattoo on Saturday. It's a harpoon. If you are interested in knowing what it means, ask him yourself. This brings the tattoo count on Dusty's body to 4. Me, I have none.

I babysat for Gracie today. She is, in a word, ADORABLE. I thought it would be cute to throw her in the Bumpo for a picture but I don't think she was a huge fan because with her pink jammies, she couldn't really move. Sorry Gracie!

Since Gracie's daddy is also Dusty's boss, Dusty stopped by on his way home from work to say hello and quickly succumbed to naptime. Not only that, but Gracie dozed too, and Molly (lab in the background) soon followed suit. First of all, I want Moses and Molly to be friends. Second, this was great because I got to spend an hour watching Modern Family during naptime. Third, this is easily my favorite picture of the set.

Last day of 8th grade... WOOF.

I was driving in to work today going through my usual grumblings with Dusty. Make fun all you want, but every morning on the way to school, Dust and I have a phone conversation. It usually involves him telling me how excited he is for the school day, and me complaining about my first hour class. So today I was going on and on about how excited I was for my last day. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED parts of this job. It was a brand new experience, I really loved a lot of the kids, and I felt a great connection with the staff through out my time there. But parts of teaching 8th grade can be EXHAUSTING. And because there was an end in sight, I think it made the last couple of days REALLY difficult to get through. Examples being...
~Approximately 25 students asking me this question during their final: "Ms. Miller, what's precipitation???" Me (silently in my head): ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!!! (We studied precipitation for THREE DAYS. THREE!!! Where literally all I said in so many words was that PRECIPITATION IS RAIN SNOW SLEET AND HAIL. WE EXPERIENCE IT EVERY DAY AS MN RESIDENTS. Maybe I am overreacting. But seriously.)
~About eight students SKIPPING their final to attend the MSHSL State Hockey Tournament. Yea, watching a bunch of high schools that AREN'T the school you'll be attending play hockey is more important than your final exam. No problem.
~Having to erase a drawn penis on my white board- the problem being, it was written in permanent marker. No idea who did it. Never turn your back.

So yes, I was a little bit excited to be getting a break.

And then I went through all five of my classes, and got through my rather difficult first hour (I am not going to miss the same student yelling "WOW BRO" at me every time I tell him to sit in his actual desk, not by his friends) and then came my third hour, my fourth, and the "WHAT! It's your last day?!" "Ms. Miller, don't go!!!" and even the handmade poster by a fifth hour student, completely COVERED in glitter, that said "We'll miss you, Ms. Miller!" Followed by this from a sixth hour student....

Who am I kidding? Of course I will miss it. I will even miss the moments of insane chaos, when it literally took every fiber of my being not to want to SCREAM sometimes, I am going to miss it all. This is just another great experience to add to my wonderful year so far.

Things Change.

There are times when I wonder if what I choose to write on here has any value, or is even worth writing. Every morning when I catch up on my favorite blogs (which these days happens to be at 9 a.m. during my prep hour) I find myself being somewhat envious of the lives I'm invited to read into. I confess, I LOVE scouring blogs for delicious recipes, fashion tips, and funny stories, but I also love blogs because it gives me a glimpse into the lives of people I find to be glamorous and fab, or lucky and happy, or just always seeming to have all the ducks in a row. Know what I mean? I feel like when I sit down to write about my own life, it just doesn't really match up to the other stuff that's out there. Throw in my Bachelor Recap blogs (the ULTIMATE guilty pleasure) and I just don't stand a chance.

But then there are times when I choose to read back on the posts I've written over the last year and a half, and I realize that if anything, this blog is good for myself. I often will dig back into the archives and read up on a time when I truly thought life couldn't get worse, and I thank God for proving that it does, in fact, get WAY way better. I think about those months when Dusty lived far away, and I thought it would never end. I think about the months I spent student teaching- how nervous I was, how insecure I felt... and I look at my life now and think about all the experiences I've gained in education, BECAUSE of my student teaching, and I am so grateful for the tough experience. I read about my journey since graduating from college- I can't believe it's been almost an entire year since I graduated from Bethel. I think about the days where you can just TELL in my writing that I was restless and dying to get engaged. I truly NEVER thought that Dusty would go above and beyond everything I could have ever imagined by proposing to me in September.

My life may not be all peaches and cream all the time, in fact, this past year has been really a hard one in many ways. Transitioning out of the college lifestyle and into the "real world" was (and still is) a very tough adjustment. I tragically lost one of my closest friends from high school last July and I still think about him, and how he left this earth, all the time. Hard stuff has happened. I got turned down from a teaching job that I truly thought I had in the bag. I felt like I missed out on my dream job. Dusty (and I) lost an aunt, an amazingly special lady, to cancer the day after Christmas. I pay what seems like a whopping amount of money on my student loans every month and it's depressing. Welcome to life. Life is not picture perfect, but it does follow the motions of what life is SUPPOSED to be like. And through it all, good, bad, ups, downs, sideways, and sometimes topsy turvey, what I've learned most, is that God has been behind every single step of the journey. I can't get over it. I love looking back and seeing how the Lord has provided for me in every single step I take.

So what's my reason for all this random epiphany writing? Friday is a big day... it's the end of my time at the middle school I have been teaching at. These past six weeks have really flown by faster than I ever could have expected. I'm taking a new step in this journey of mine and am heading into a different direction next week with my job. I'm going to be nannying four days a week for an adorable little baby girl, and recently was hired BACK at EagleCrest (surprise!) as a part time receptionist. Is it ideal right now NOT to be working in education? Not really. I'm nervous, scared, and a little worried at taking this new step for the time being. But I've realized SO much over the last few weeks, that God is behind this time in my life. I'm not in control, but the Lord is guiding my steps.

I am so confident that God has an incredible plan for me in the way of a career. I'm not quite sure myself yet what exactly it is that I'm meant to do, but I know that an opportunity will be provided for me. I'm not doubting God in that for one second. Am I anxious, waiting for that plan to be revealed? Absolutely. Do I like change? Absolutely NOT! But I have felt an enormous amount of peace in the fact that GOD will take me through this!

So my life- to others, who read this, it might not be so exciting. I'm not a fashion guru, I don't know the last great recipe I created myself worthy of posting on a blog. I never follow through on DIY crafts and I'm not always the best at keeping up with writing. But I am content with where I'm at right now in life, I'm so incredibly grateful and happy with the Lord for remaining so faithful, all the time, and I'm ready to take the next step into the direction where God is currently leading me. I'm excited to one day look back on this post, and read it with a smile because a new opportunity has already come my way. Who knows where I will be- But I know what will NOT change by the time I get to that point. God will have brought me there.

Want to know what motivated me to write this post? Go read 2 Corinthians 12:9. Soak it in. When you are done with that, read Ephesians 5: 15-17. Thank you God. You sure are smart.